It helps to work on relationship skills and give support without hovering.
Every parent wants their kid to have friends. We wish them happiness and want them to make friends and learn new things that will help them now and in the future.
It’s not always easy for kids to make friends. This is especially true now that COVID-19 is over. Many kids either didn’t learn how to make friends or got bad at it because they went to school far away and were alone.
You can help as a parent in these ways.
Start at home by learning how to deal with people.
The best place to learn how to make and keep friends is with your family at home.
Some of them include:
- Empathy. Make sure that everyone in the family treats each other properly and with kindness.
- Sometimes we turn a blind eye to family fights, or feel justified in snapping at our partner when we have had a long day. No matter what we say, our children pay attention to what we do.
- Curiosity about others. Make a family habit of asking each other about their day, their hobbies, their thoughts.
- Communication skills. These days, devices endanger the growth of those skills. Shut off the gadgets. Have family dinners. Talk with each other.
- Cooperation. Do projects, play games, and do chores as a family. Work together. Help your child learn about taking turns and valuing the opinion of others.
- Regulating feelings. It’s normal to have strong thoughts. When your kid does, help them find ways to understand big emotions and manage them.
- Knowing when and how to apologize — and forgive. This really comes under empathy, but teach your child how to apologize for their mistakes, make amends, and accept the mistakes of others.
All of these apply also to how you and your partner talk about — or with — other people in front of your children, too!
Be a good role model outside the home, too
When you are outside your home, be nice! Strike up talks, ask questions of people around you. Help your child learn confidence and methods for talking to people they don’t know.
Make interactions easy
Conversations and interactions can be easier if they are organized around a shared interest or activity. Here are some ways parents can help:
- Sign your child up for sports or other programs that involve their peers. Make sure it’s something they have at least some interest in doing.
- Get to know the parents of some of your child’s peers — and ask them all to an outing or meal. It could allow the children to get to know each other while taking some of the pressure off.
- When planning playdates, think about fun, cooperative activities — like making cookies, or going to a park or museum.
Keep an eye on your child — but don’t hover
Ultimately, your child needs to learn to do this — and you don’t want to embarrass them, either. The two cases might be:
- If the children aren’t interacting at all, you might want to suggest some choices for activities. Facilitate as necessary, and step back out again.
- If there is fighting or meanness on either side, you should step in and make it clear that such behavior isn’t okay.
Keep an open line of contact, and be supportive
Talk with your child regularly about their day, about their relationships, and how things made them feel. Listen more than you talk. Be upbeat and supportive. Remember that part of being supportive is knowing your child’s personality and seeing the world from their eyes. You can’t make your child someone they are not.
If your child keeps dealing with making friends, talk to your doctor
All parents need help sometimes — and sometimes there is more to the problem than meets the eye. This is particularly true if your child has ADHD or another diagnosis that could make interactions more difficult.
